Blue balls or Lover's nuts ("epididymal hypertension") is a condition when the testicles produce a sore and painful sensation after having sex without ejaculating.
When a male get sexually aroused, the penis gets erect and the testicles get filled with extra blood. During an ejaculation, blood vessels open up and blood flows quickly through the veins leading out of the penis and testicles. When an ejaculation doesn't happen this swift release of blood doesn't occur.
The aftermath of this will be a uncomfortable painful feeling in the testicles. Masturbation usually relieves the pain.
Anecdote
A couple of years ago I met this woman online and we decided to meet up in Budapest, Hungary where she lives. As these type of meet ups usually go, it didn't really work out and I decided to call my ex-girlfriend from Belgium who also just happens to be Hungarian and relocated back to Budapest.
We hooked up but because I have too much Homo and not enough Sapien, I failed to bust a nut and left her place with us both feeling unsatisfied.
Later that day, after she finished work, I met up with my online penpal(-ette) at a Burger King, trying to smooth things over and give this internet thing another shot.
With each bite from my Rib Burger, the more my ballsack started cramping up and I had no idea what was going on.
I panicked.
She notices something's not right and asks what's wrong. At this point I smell a whiff of my ex-girlfriend's perfume and tell her I have diarrhea and need to go the bathroom.
Never havin heard of the phenomenon called Blue Balls, I actually try to shit it out, thinking it was my stomach, since the unbearable pain of my clogged sack has traveled up into my abdomen.
No dice.
This is taking a long time and people start to complain, knocking on the bathroomdoor. So in a last ditch effort to get my nutsack out of a vice, I whip out the third leg, stroke the shaft and cup the balls...
YES!!!
As the content of my balls are drained so is the some most excrutiating pain I've ever felt and I walked out the bathroom while getting looks of disgust from Hungarian tough guys as they could obviously hear what i was doing the entire time. Quickly, I wash the stank of my ex-girlfriend off and voilá... it was the perfect time for the perfect crime. I just pulled off (lol) some James Bond shit, right there.
Back at the table as a man reborn and fully exorcized of my demons, she asks if I feel better. I said I've never felt better in my life. We both smile and continue eating. 4 days later, I went back to my home country and never saw her again. We never had sex.
Conclusion
Blue balls is extremely painful so always keep your sack of balls drained at all times. And ladies, these are words to live by:
pic.twitter.com/XepAKPLdGQ
— ZombieProphet (@ZProphet_MMA) March 3, 2015
- 10:00
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