Two weeks ago i was wrestling naked with a (female) Romanian prostitute. (don't ask, don't tell)

 

and it gave me this idea... 

The Ultimate Fucking Championships™.

Since a lot of people (idiots) seem to have a problem with WMMA (Women´s Mixed Martial Arts: 

, 

(Ronda Rousey, UFC Bantamweight champion)

...here's a sexy-ass solution for you misoginist pricks.

Put two naked women in a cage and have them beat them shit out of each out other under MMA (Unified) Rules...

...except, You're allowed to fuck your opponent.

Here's an example: Miesha Tate

  .

has Michelle Waterson

 in a mounted triangle.. 

Michelle decides to give a little lick while being smothered. Tate responds positively. Michelle does it again. Tate seems to be into it. "The Karate Hottie" keeps going until the ref is forced to stop the bout due to unanswered cunnilingus to the clit. Michelle "The Karate Hottie" Waterson wins via Cum-mission®.

That's right! Cum-mission®. If you can get your opponent to submit by giving her an orgasm and leaving her defenseless while in a state of xvideos.com-esque valhalla... the fight's over.

On the other side, there's the Rape-bar®. Michelle was banking on the off-chance that Miesha might into that lesbian shit. Her faith paid off. (trying to forget what a dork Caraway was on TUF14 probably helped as well)

However, if your opponent is not into it, it becomes non-consentual and therefore... rape. If you're unable to stop your opponent from tapping that ass, your ass will be forced to tap, instigating a referee's stoppage via rape-bar®.

Rape-bar®/Cum-mission® moves:

Now Pegging (woman wears strap-on and fucks guy) is traditionally done with the female in the dominant position and the male as the bottom bitch but the Ultimate Fucking Championship™ is women ONLY!!! Women buttfucking guys is not hot, guys buttfucking guys is not hot. So here are the rules for pegging inside the Cocktagon®:

When rocked, cocked or any other adverse situation that a fighter may find herself in, it's allowed for said fighter to call in their corner for help. What does this mean? When called for, your corner will throw a Fleshlight stap-on dildo in the cage. (Fleshlight, the only sex-toy worthy of being in the Cocktagon®). Now how the distressed fighter gets to the strap-on dildo is kinda her problem.

Let's say Michelle Waterson has Tate's back

 and Tate calls out the biggest dork in the world who also just happened to be her boyfriend Bryan Caraway for a dildo, all Caraway is allowed to do, is throw the thing in the cage. Michelle can decide to let go and run for the strap-on. Fair game, bruh and whatever happens after that in the Cocktagon®, stays in the Cocktagon®.

In reality though, i realise the rape-bars® will be far more common than cum-missions® because it will be easier to pull off and people are just evil fucks. For this same reason guys aren't allowed. (i'm looking at you Hermes Franca℗)

So, there you have it. Ultimate Fucking Championship™. Like i said, it's women only. Guys fight/fucking guys? ... no. Guys fight/fucking girls?... xvideos.com... you're welcome.

Now remember, everything you see being done in the UFC is allowed in MY UFC™ although, this isn't the Ultimate FIGHTING Championships, it's the Ultimate FUCKING Championships™. You want to see gals get knocked up not knocked out. You want to see SPLIT-decisions not UD's.

Alright, you vile fucking freaks, what are your additions, suggestions for the Ultimate Fucking Championships? What are you dream cream-match-ups? Give us a fantasy play-by-play of how such a contest would unfold?

Are you ready?

Are YOU ready?

LET'S GET IT ON!